My husband and I spend a lot of time together. We have gone on 3-week vacations together, in which we are with each other almost 24 hours of every single day. And like any other couple, we do have friction from time to time, but we never get tired of being around each other. We haven’t needed to “take a break” or retreat to our respective “caves”.
Why? My theory is two-fold. We are able to spend so much time together because we allow each other our own space (even when we are together) and because we are playful and have fun with each other.
While writing this, I realized that having a great relationship with someone really has more to do with having a great relationship with yourself first. Think about it…if you have a lot of doubts, fear and negativity in your own life, what do you really have to offer to another person, besides a warm body at night?
A common value that my husband and I share is that we are both COMMITTED to evolving and growing as human beings first – in our work, life, spirituality and relationships. We are both continuously working on being the best human beings we can be. The positive benefits of living this way automatically drip over into our relationship with each other.
We are far from perfect, and still have our quibbles, but I have pondered what makes our relationship fun and work so well for us. This is what I have come up with and hope that my relationship tips can help you in your relationship.
Don’t Take Life So Seriously
More than a few times, I have gotten caught up in the ridiculous delusion of taking life too serious. A recent example is when I got an attitude with my husband for making me late to an appointment because he wanted to stop at the post office beforehand to pick up a package. The woman at the post office couldn’t find his package and ended up spending 20 minutes looking for it. I waited outside in the car, frantically texting him to make sure he was aware that I was going to be late.
As he casually strolled out to the car, I lost it. How inconsiderate of him to not be rushing as if his life depended on it. Then he got in the car and leisurely searched for his sunglasses and put them on before starting the car. I was on fire.
This would have been the perfect time for a self-reminder not to take life so seriously. But no, I had to grill him first and try to manipulate him into feeling guilty for his inconsiderate actions. I was on a roll. I was clutching onto anger and unwilling to let it go. And all for what??
Thankfully he didn’t entertain my negative reaction and turned up the radio and started to sing.
JFZ (Judgment Free Zone)
My husband will actually sing out the above phrase to me when he feels that I am judging him. It snaps me out of my judgment mode and actually makes me laugh. Open communication creates emotional connection and bonding. The death of a relationship is when one partner or the other feels unable to openly express themselves without being judged by the other.
Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances. ~ Wayne Dyer
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself as someone who needs to judge. ~ Wayne Dyer
Get Over Things Quickly
I have learned that feeling good is way more important than holding on to grudges or anger. I see feeling negative as poison and want to get it out of my system as soon as possible. I am much quicker now to release negative feelings than I used to be. What used to take me days to get over now takes me just minutes or seconds. I have learned to just let it go. Being happy feels so good.
Always Be Learning
Once you stop learning, you are boring. If you don’t question yourself or life, you are boring. My husband and I are always learning new things. It keeps life and our relationship interesting. Currently, our “thing” is that once a week, we plan something new to do. Last week, we went to Bingo night, which neither of us have done before. This week we are going ghost hunting.
Make the Mundane Insanely Fun
This boils down to having fun no matter what you’re doing or where you’re at. It’s all about the attitude you choose to have. It’s about being random. Doing what you feel like doing without caring what others think. My husband and I do this all the time, every single day.
An example is when my husband left for work one morning and called me just 10 minutes after leaving. When I answered he said “hi”. I was surprised and touched that he was calling just to say hi. Then he immediately said “bye” and hung up. I almost died laughing.
Aside from being random, we make everything into a game. While watching the previews at a movie theater, we will say “yay” or “nay” at the end of each preview signifying whether or not we would watch that movie.
It’s little things like this that add so much fun to what could otherwise be considered mundane.
Don’t Compare. Just Appreciate.
When someone appreciates the work you do or the person you are, how does it make you feel? Great right! This is true of all of us. When I tell my hubby how much I appreciate everything he does for me, it makes him want to continue to do things for me. When he tells me what an awesome woman I am, it makes me want to always be an awesome woman. Focus on and appreciation of the positive aspects of your partner will create more of the positive. Focus on the negative aspects and you will get more of the negative. It’s your decision.